O What an Escort

Anyone reading this from early on knows I have been entertaining the idea of talking to an escort for some time.  Earlier posts chronicle the frustration with connecting with Avery Moore and how, through much fault of my own, I fumbled that chance.  After going for weeks and months trying to figure out if I really wanted to do this I reached out to 3 escorts earlier this week.  Lillian was visiting the BWI area and was able to make arrangements to see me with little more than 24 hours advance notice.  She is from the west coast and was visiting the area.  I was enthralled by her web site and had to set something up quickly as she was only in town briefly.  We connected yesterday.

I cannot imagine a more thoroughly enjoyable evening.  We talked and talked about who she is, who I am, how she could help me and how I could help myself.  I was surprised that she had actually taken the time to come up with a couple of suggestions:  "Speed Dating" and "Its Just Lunch" to help me deal with my situation.  This was one of the earliest suggestions she made and it is interesting to note that neither of these suggestions were of benefit to her.  She also spent a good bit of time helping me to realize that however our relationship progressed, I needed to keep in mind that I was her client (unspoken: not her boyfriend.)

This woman's perceptive powers are simply amazing.  I could see her sizing me up when we first met and then it was almost like she instantly and instinctively knew how to deal with me in a kind and yet very respectful way.  I felt like  I had fallen into the hands of a gentle person who knew how to help without humiliating me due to my lack of social skill.  She also, amazingly, seemed to want to help me not soak me for all I was worth.  One small example, before our date I realized that there were 3 categories into which our interaction could fall.  I presented my question to her via email after the final logistics were set.  Amazingly she indicated that, in her mind the least expensive category is appropriate.  Further, she mentally waived the 2 hour minimum stated on her web site.   I had provided compensation according to this however as we wound down to the end of the date she mentioned that she  that we had gone far "overtime" but that she was OK with it.  When I mentioned that I had seen and adjusted for the 2 hour minimum, she was genuinely surprised and  thankful.

I don't know how long it has been since someone treated me so selflessly.  There are so many details I noted and appreciated.  (Quickly, she made a point of saying that if this never went any further she would have good memories of this interaction and would think of me kindly going forward.)  However suffice it to say that, while this was and will be a professional/client relationship, I feel like I am in the hands of a warm and loving individual.

The biggest issue I will have with her is to avoid falling in love -- the very thing she cautioned me about.  I have some ideas on how to manage that.  I will need to take deliberate and decisive steps, but I have a plan.

I wonder where this is going.  She mentioned that there is an obvious next level that we could go to.  While I would like to move to a more intimate setting next time, I have a need to touch, but the mental interaction is the really exciting part.  I found myself wanting to share with her, but not in a sexual way, more in terms of snuggling, holding kind of thing that transmits intimacy without words.  Sex is such a powerful thing, I don't want to move there and mess up what groundwork is already laid.  Maybe we will go there one day, but not next time, probably not the time after that and maybe never.  That won't mean our interaction is unsuccessful, just that a sexual relationship may not be a part of the healing process.  I'd almost rather it not be because sex can be such a perception bending experience.  I want to absorb our interaction with complete mental clarity.

There are a lot of places I would like to take our next encounter:

1. How do I look; is there something I can do to make myself more attractive and give any potential new relationship a spark?
2. What specific things can I work on to be more successful with women?  She already mentioned that I really need more practice.  Sitting in a restaurant across from such a beautiful woman was/is such an ego boost, I feel like I am already off  to a good start.  Not to say that I don't have a long way to go, but I sure like the feel of this launch.
3. How should I prepare myself for a real date?  
4. What can I do when the conversation lags?
5. What can I do to help me calm my nerves since I am attracted to very beautiful women, but at the same time they make me so very nervous?
6. How can I tell if a woman is interested in me and ready to move to a more intimate relationship?
1. How do they signal a readiness for additional intimacy?
7. I am hugely curious about her New Zeland life, (I've never been; what's it like, etc.  .  .  .)

When we were getting ready to leave she hugged me.  Not the quick perfunctory hug, but a lingering hug, not inappropriate for a public setting but clearly full of expression and a real desire to impart warmth and genuineness.  She wasn't trying to secure another date by being overly sexual, but she clearly wasn't holding back emotional connection.  Just prior she came up close and adjusted the lapels on my jacket, something I had seen on TV thousands of times, but never actually felt.  I know this sounds silly, but it was just magical that a woman of such beauty, intelligence and insight would treat me so kindly.

I just emailed my ex-wife.  I hope to be able to talk about this over lunch.