Expensive Dinner

Taylor, the escort who ditched me in favor of a yacht cruise wrote back indicating that her plans fell through.  So I am rather confused now.  Was the cruise real?  If so why did it take her a week after it was supposed to start to tell me that it "fell through" even though she was supposed to leave a week before she tells me that the plans have fallen through.   The notion of getting a more valuable client is  real and I suppose that would be a reason for adjustment.  I'll never know the truth.

Taylor seems like  smart gal but how much is an act.  Probably all of it since that is part of what I am paying for.  The cost $800 is very high and I could outfit my bedroom with a really cool sound system for that price.  Still, this is something I have done only once before and it turned out really well.

Is what Taylor offers worth $800, especially since I found someone that can offer what I was looking for at 60% of the cost Taylor charges?  No probably not.  I am not rich and don't have this kind of money available for recurring expenditures.  Ultimately I'd rather have the sound system.  I'm doing the speed dating anyway.  Another perspective would be really cool, but it just costs too much.

Maybe I could justify it as a once in a lifetime experience.  I look at TV and realize that the women I see there are what I really admire.  Still, they are just out of my league.  I'll never have a dinner with one of these type women unless I change.  Could having an expensive dinner with an escort be enough to inspire that change in me?  Maybe, but women of that calibre are looking for someone other than me.  It is so late in the game, I think I am just going to skip it all.  I lose again.

I just have  to get myself in order.  I have lost nearly 10 years of my life over this divorce.  I have to break free of the death spiral I am in.  I see no way out; I am going down.