Aw hell, this is bad. I am about to fall out of my chair I am so sleepy. I am not sleeping right at home, I need medication to be able to get a good night sleep these days. I am sure that if I got enough exercise, this would be a non issue. But I don't get enough sleep and I am about to fall off my chair now.
I don't know why the insomnia hit last night. I woke up around midnight and could not (did not) get more than an hour of sleep after that. I am doing that thing where if I sit too still and stare at a given item too long, then I will zone out behind my eyes. It's awful. I hate this.
Take the pills tonight you idiot. For cryin' out loud. Deal with this!
Anyway so I was looking at the situation a few weeks out. I can get a room at a good hotel for around 150 per night. That's a great rate for being in DC. Grace will be in town and I could "make a weekend of it in DC like I did earlier. It could be really fun, if we stay in another part of town, and spend Saturday and Sunday nights. This would be interesting b/c Grace is bi and my ex-wife is bi-curious. This could be the ménage à trois that I have been wanting for decades. But then, do I want to be responsible for DC's further fall into sin -- no. This isn't going to happen and I'm not gonna tell here that Grace is in town as I promised earlier.
That is the right decision. In any case I'll end up spending about 4 hours with her which will cost me about 850 bucks (not including the 280 dollar ticket to the show I bought for her. Oh well, it is all a part of buying experiences rather than more stuff. I don't expect Grace to be much more than pleasant - fulfilling her stated objective. I don't think she will try to coax me into more than that for which I had planned. I am dead sure she won't. I am rather sure I would not be able to resist if she really tried. Right now I don't intend to bring enough cash for a longer than planned engagement.
Here I am thinking about this going foreword. It is what I dream about. Basically the only pleasant thing I will be thinking about in the next several weeks. Maybe I can use the uplift to get some work done around the house. I don't think that's possible.. I hate who I am and what I have become. I am so thoroughly ashamed of what I have turned myself into.
Where am I going. Right now, straight to hell. I want to change the course (in a manner of speaking). but then again, we all do exactly what we want to in most situations, even if our doing so is mostly to belie our own feelings or inclinations for the purpose of the social advantage of others watching our selection.
Very few of us subjugate our own wants to those of a higher power for altruistic motives. How would you ever know if this is what you were doing. Given the propensity for people to fool themselves, thoroughly, I don't know how you could be sure unless you had a guide book that told you all the right answers. Something like, dare I say it given how vehemently I have opposed its direction, the Bible.
You are a real piece of work dude. You really have outdone yourself.
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