Cattywampus

My diet is going to hell now.  I haven't updated my tracking sheet in over a week.  I just pigged out in a major way over lunch today and I ate a big (500 cal) midmorning snack.  I can feel my stomach stretching from the huge lunch portion I consumed.

I am so freaking ashamed of myself. I have no excuse for my actions.  I have no self control to speak of.  So I just got finished with the weekend and it is a shameful mess.  I feel the need for fast for another 3 weeks until the new year.  But, of course I don't have the ability.  I will just have to keep trying (and hoping for a different outcome than before) which is, of course, insane.

There are a few basics I can depend on.  I have goals:

1. Be a good Christian
1. Study
2. Meetings
3. Prayer
4. Service
2. Take Care of myself physically
1. Loose Weight
2. Exercise
3. Take care of myself (and others as needed) fiscally
1. Work hard and feel good about the work I do (if possible)
2. Conduct myself in a fiscally responsible manner
4. Be a good Father
5. Take care of the things in my purview
1. Home
2. Auto
3. Other
6. Entertainment for the sake of Sanity and Continued Productivity

And the goals/responsibilities are so many that I just can't seem to deal with it all.

The ability to shake myself free seems impossible.

I am not making this I am failing.  It is like I need a friend to come along and work beside me to get stuff done.  To give me the encouragement to keep going.  This friend does not seem to exist.  If he does, I wouldn't ask for fear of taking his time from more important things.  I don't have any real friends to speak of.  I had a friend or two before.  But I didn't know what I had and didn't cultivate that friendship.