To some degree (probably a lot larger than I realize) this blog is making me self absorbed. Why would I think anyone cares about my private suffering. I suppose, actually this is just for me. It isn't really. I actually pay attention to the page view count. I want someone else to read this, so there's that. I do notice that by an order of magnitude (literally) the pages most popular are the ones where I am talking about hiring an escort. So on my humble blog established (ostensibly) for me to engage in a bit of self healing by articulating my deepest concerns, I have managed to attract sex zombies trolling the web for material with which to titillate themselves.
So what is my self absorbed and titillating self thinking about today? Actually I am feeling tapped out. Tired of trying to make progress only to fall flat on my face. I say I want to be a good Christian, but I fail at every turn. I have asked for help from the deacons (actually elders, but the average reader would understand the meaning of deacons better) but to no avail. I guess I could go back, grab them by the lapels and shake until they pay attention and realize how much I am hurting. But that would probably be a bit much. I am too proud I suppose to continue to beg for help. That isn't a good trait. Jesus made the gentile woman beg for table scrap even after he made reference as though her request was coming from little dogs.
Even so it would be like: Listen to what I already told you! Think of something more creatively than just asking me what I want you to do. You are the rescue workers. You tell me how you can help.
Yea, doesn't sound like a good Christian discussion; I'll just plan to die at Armageddon if not sooner.
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