Diet and Death

I'm into this diet for a few weeks now.   It is officially "on."  In other words I am taking it seriously but, as usual as soon as I get comfortable that it is working, it stops working.  A year or more ago I had started a diet like this in April and it lasted, for the most part, until Thanksgiving at which point I let it go totally.

I have discovered I have a major problem with nuts.  I can't have them around and I have stopped trying to overcome that temptation.  I just don't buy them anymore.  I have also taken to largely fasting during the work day.  When I have a lot of meetings, this provides enough of a distraction that I am not as bothered by the hunger.

Anyway I am sensing that this has an adverse affect on my thinking.  The brain uses carbs to restore its ability to make decisions.  I am finding myself coasting more (mentally speaking) and so I decided to get lunch today.  I did find that the much smaller food portions of late have shrunk my stomach and I couldn't even finish a small "plate" of sushi roll.  (Good for me!)

I need to get back to work though. It was really discouraging to find that the last corporate management change over is not working out well.  The new management team wants short term results.  No real understanding of the market we are in.  To them we are just another construction company, as though Health Care is just another business.

I am going to the meeting tonight.  I am excited and tense about it.  I always hate going, as any faithful reader of this blog can't help but note.

I think the motivation for this diet, (I have been trying to loose weight for decades) came from me really studying myself in the mirror and being thoroughly disgusted with what I see.  I have long known that I am fat, but I didn't see it for a long time. I kept looking at myself from the front.  Several years ago I looked at myself from the side and saw how big I look.  It took several additional years to work through the denial but I now know beyond doubt that I am fat, and how to take meaningful action to address the issue.  Of course there was the motivation to do so and, at least for the moment, I have enough to continue.  So much more to the story but I am sure I've exhausted my readers' (presuming there are any such) attention.

I really wanted to talk about death in this post.  It is sneaking closer.  I can feel it and smell it but it isn't as obvious as it typically is.  I think that I will be soon in a life and death struggle in my own head.  I suppose I usually am as I struggle to do God's will in the severely limited and stilted way that I do.  That is certainly life and death enough.

It is coming closer in a more tangible way as I wrestle with the final/ultimate solution.  I think I am getting exhausted with the hurting and the problems looming over my head.  I just "can't" handle that.  Now that the company is going down for another dip into the viability meter "Danger" hash marks, I may just check out.  The really wild thing is that the new owners are just making these bloodthirsty screams for profits and yet they know next to nothing about the market this company serves.