Decision Fatigue

So I heard/read an article recently that indicated that the brain can actually get tired of making decisions and as the fatigue sets in, the quality of our decisions decreases.  There are some perverse consequences.  The poor for example may experience decision fatigue while shopping and end their shopping trip with a stop by a fast-food restaurant.  The rich who go along filling their shopping carts without much of a second thought pass the (often in-store) restaurant looking down their noses at those poor people making such an unwise spending decision. If the tables were turned, however and those rich had just experienced the mental exercises of trying to get the most value from very limited funds, they may find themselves making the same or worse financial decisions.

I have long noticed (as I suppose many others have) that meetings in which I am an active participant are very tiring.  It used to be very exhausting until I grew accustomed to days with several meetings in each.

The research on the subject is clear and verified.  It is not my imagination.  It reminds me of the constant pressure from the "organization" to simplify my life.  I always figured that I could just handle it.  I know what the hell I'm doing.  I'm just more capable than the rest, so I thought.  In reality I am more stupid for not following that advice.  Each and every time I think I know better I am proved so totally freaking wrong.  What an idiot I have come to realize that I have been all these years.

Big sigh, so what else is new.  I remember feeling the crushing weight of the realization of my mistakes a few years ago, Was it 5, 7, 3 years ago?  I don't really remember.  I do recall that deep and burning shame, anger (with myself) and deep disappointment when I understood that I had totally wasted my life, that now I am old and the doors are almost all closed.  It still hurts, though living with that disappointment for years now, I feel the pain less acutely than then.  It is there though.  What a screw-up I am.

I keep hoping that something will break loose one day.  And it doesn't.  So I just carry on day by day.  Things are all to shit and I don't see a way out of it.  The ultimate solution seems logical from tactical viewpoint.  Strategically I know it doesn't make sense.  Oh yes and it's wrong.  So I just carry on day by day.