Enough of that feeling sorry for myself, cretinous talk. Whoever bootstrapped himself out of a bad situation by thinking only about the difficulties he is in. Do something, anything. Better to rule out possibilities rather than to continue passively stewing in this morass.
What to do? I have spent my life turning to myself for answers; look where it got me. I have to find a way to get what I need from my religion. I have to get the last of the sanctions removed. I am out of energy but God promises to "give the tired one power." Well I need to plug in now.
So what does that mean? Study, meetings, prayer and service. Giving up on the unrealistic plans I have been formulating. Stop doing the things God hates, concomitant with doing the things he demands. It's like a guy that leaves home and spends his life in asinine pursuits, then has to return home, empty handed. The shame the ignominy, it just must be endured.
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