Meeting my Needs

So I didn't get enough sleep last night.  And sure enough it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I am pulling my hair out b/c I am so dang tired and sleepy.  I can hardly keep my eyes open.  I can't tell you how many errors I have fixed just in these first few sentences of this post.

I am glad I have a "standing" desk so if I really get bad off I can just elevate the desk and go from there.   I can tell I'm going to need to do this sooner rather than later.  I found myself sleep typing on that last sentence.  That is when you already have figured out what you are going to say all the way to then next period, so your brain goes to sleep while your fingers type.  By time you get to then end of the sentence you have to wake yourself back up to figure out what the next sentence is going to be.
I am all up in the air on how to deal with this.   For now I am going to take a walk and get another ice water drink.  We'll see how that works out.

So I went looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  I heard it stated recently that the way we respond to stimuli  is a reaction to filling our unmet need.  I think that is why I sometimes want to act like a know it all because I want to be respected.  But I usually end up making people respect me less b/c I reflect the fact that I don't know what I am talking about.  I just make myself look stupid.

I did have a big lunch, 1/2 BLT and 1/2 Bowl of chili plus chips.  I am sure that is part of the problem.

So I took an Adderall when I started feeling really sleepy about 1/2 hour ago.  I actually feel a little better now.  It's not that I feel good, just less bad, less sleepy, a little less lethargic than before.  Good stuff.  Let me mark that down in the Good Drugs category.  Got to get me some more o-dees.

So I was just reading how Isaiah never saw the fulfillment of God's prophecies.  So while I am tired of wading through this damaging world, tired of being kicked and punished, I know that others have suffered far worse.  It is just that those who are close to God can rely on others of the same faith to provide support and encouragement.  I can get the same and more for just 400 - 600+ USD per hour.

First world problem.  Even though the need for belonging is in the middle of the hierarchy.  Security of income is even lower.  I always feel this is at risk, for reasons that I won't go into here.

I told a female friend of mine that she appeared in a sex dream I had recently.  She hasn't responded.  I should start calling her a female former acquaintance.  I think she got really pissed.  I mean it wasn't a really explicit dream, but it was most definitely a sex dream.  I know it was stupid of me to do that, but really our relationship had decayed into exchanging emails once every other quarter or so.  We never talk verbally or even IM.  She was someone I used to be in love with way back in college.  But that is water under the bridge now.  I think my email address has been blocked in all her accounts.

I have a tentative date with a cuddlist on Sunday.  I tried to contact her on Wednesday to confirm.  Still haven't heard back from her.  I suppose I should call it VERY tentative now.  Crap!  She seemed like a really nice person.  Don't know how she figured out I am such a jerk.  I guess she sensed the jerk waves coming off my text message.  Got to figure out how to keep that in check.