So I busted the July 4 weekend. How? Well I broke my fast (I'm sort of OK about that) I ate too much on the first day I broke the fast, I ate too much on the second day, I watched too much TV (yes, I broke my rule against TV). I did go to the meeting and I went out to dinner with the Ex. (Calling her Ex now instead of bitch.) That was ok but she preached to me the whole time. Oh well. That's who she is now. All that having been said it is the only productive thing I did over the weekend, except I did go to the meeting. I saw someone there who moved to another congregation. It was a couple and I met the man outside and the woman was inside near the entrance. She saw me and I went over to shake her hand and ended up giving her a hug. Wild. I never give anyone a hug unless they insist. I surprised myself doing so. I think she was shocked. It may have been b/c she (and her husband) were only the third person to invite me over to their house in a serious way. (That is they invited me directly, as I recall, without demanding that I join their Bible Study, and for a purely social visit.) No one does that who is currently in my congregation anymore.
Not to me, that is. They of course get together among themselves it is just that I am not included. I am quite certain that it is somehow my fault. I think I might have made a kid feel bad at church yesterday. there were 3 or four people greeting guests at the door. He was one. I had already shaken hands with one and knew I was going to shake hands with another, He was standing right there and I did the old look past you and pretend you aren't there. People do that to me all the time. I am trying not to care about it but I know it hurts on some level. I will have to greet him specially in some way, maybe ask his name or something. I should not have done what I did.
I went to a convention this weekend, This one was really well done. I can't explain just how, but it wasn't just more of the same, talk after talk about the bible. There was something more compelling about it but I cannot say just what it is. It has been a little while since I had been to a convention entirely alone. It was really OK though. I wasn't feeling unduly oppressed or sorry for myself. They distributed a video. It shows a family in a moderate stage of spiritual melt-down. It was not nearly as bad as what I was dealing with. My family completely disintegrated. The people are still there miraculously, but we are not a family anymore. I am just glad that no one is df anymore. (That's the miracle.)
I had a super unpleasant dream Saturday night. Creatures like the ones on Cowboys and Aliens invaded.
Driving back from Raleigh, the convention tunes are reverberating in my head. It is a good thing. But I have also checked out Kyra's site. A reminder that the demons in my mind are very much aware that I am trying to force them out. They aren't ready to go anywhere.
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