Another bad weekend. On a positive note I got the laundry done and straightened up a bit. I even did a small amount of cleaning not that anyone would notice except in before and after photographs.
I stopped multiple times to look at nrop; this and eating are the only fun things left to do. It's so pathetic. So I heave a big sigh and continue doing the things (and failing to do the good things) that result in this mess of a life I now lead.
I am deeply ashamed of myself. I hate what happened and the fact that I am not fixing it. In fact I am still headed for Tarshish having been swallowed and spit out at least once. I cannot abide my disgust for what I have grown up to be. I am afraid to seek the truth from God and I am addicted to the trappings of Satan's world, those few I have been able to taste.
Sweetness of intensity such that one could imagine is too intense to survive and followed by deathly sickness that cannot be survived. Instant addiction that will swallow years if not all of your life. This is the "benefits" Satan's world brings. And here I am, fully warned, and fully addicted. Covered in refuse and lit aflame. I want to point the phaser at myself, I don't have the strength to continue to withstand the pain. Alone and ashamed
Well let me turn my attention to work. Maybe I can forget about this for a while. There is just nothing left, is there?
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