Mind Wandeing

Not sure why I am blogging so much in the past few days.  I am still a non-JW officially.  I still don't do all the studying I should.  I guess I have got nothing really new to say (and I haven't had anything for a while.)  Of course I still blog, saying the same old sh*t over again.

I'm falling in infatuation for another provider, Olivia Lark.  Seems like a really interesting gal.  I tried (weakly) to visit her the last time she was here in October (I think,)  She's coming again in March. 

I've been dreaming a lot of my cuddle partner lately.  Of course there is no chance of a real relationship.  "This girl is half his age.  (Please don't stand so close to me!)" but I digress.   Anyway what sparked the latest round of dreaming is that I got an email message from her indicating she just arrived in Europe for her extended vacation with friends.  Will be there for a month or so.  I do hope we can cuddle again when she gets back.  I worry a little bit 'cause she wants to do some serious rave partying while there.  Seems unsafe, but typical of that generation. 

We are really excellent cuddle partners though.  We both like to hug and be hugged.  We like snuggling under the covers and the one time we spent the night together (platonic) it was really enjoyable.  We did this thing where when lying down and facing each other we interlaced our knees to get good skin contact and so our bodies would be a little closer together.  I've always liked doing that but usually have to show my cuddle partner how to do it.  She just did it automatically.  I'm pretty sure there is something about it in an earlier blog entry, but maybe not. 

She told me the next morning that she was awake at one point lying on her side with her back to me.  I reached over and started rubbing her back, the way my ex- used to like me to do it.  She said that after I did that a little while she fell asleep again.  That was nice to hear.  At the time I thought she was just sleeping.  I reached over just to make some contact with her.  We fell asleep intertwined, but as some point while sleeping she disengaged and rolled over.  I woke up (typical brief night time awakening)  and wanted to re-engage, but didn't want to wake her.  So I just rubbed her back.  I fell asleep again with my feet against her legs for contact. 

Later that morning as we were waking up we interlaced again.  She hugged my chest and laid her head there.  She needed to leave at a certain time so it wasn't for very long.  But it was nice.

There is an age appropriate gal I met on Tinder.  As is typical she chickened out just before our first face to face date.  I contacted her again yesterday but she sent me a message back giving me the brush off.  "I work 12 hour days.  I'm too tired.  I'm not ready for dating.  It's me not you."  Ok that last part was not real, but that's how it felt.  Anyway I sent her a message back saying "Keep me in mind for future events."  I don't expect to ever hear from her again. 

C'est la vie.  And still I want to be a JW.  Man this is just a pickle isn't it.  That's why I just expect that God will kill me.