Shine a Little Light on My Life

So, what next.  The realization that I have totally screwed up my life has been thoroughly absorbed by my psyche.  I know now that I have made grave mistakes that may cost me my life at Armageddon if not before.  I know that the things I have looked forward to since childhood may (and probably are) no longer my fate at all.  Bitter disappointment at my failure on all fronts of my chosen quests is now past shock, denial, anger (and all those other reactions) and is now at acceptance.  So I thought I wasn't moving forward  b/c of depression, but I have drugs for that now.  I thought it was b/c TV addiction but last two weekends have been a bust, despite the lack of TV.  I know that God has been telling me all along what I need to be doing but the only thing that resonates with me now is that I have to quit nrop, TV, and bad music.  I have taken aim at 2 out of 3.  I suppose escorts is on the list as well, but all I want from escorts is to talk.  They represent a huge danger since it would be so easy to go farther down the wrong road.  But I really just want to talk to another intelligent woman.  Fortunately, that issue is easily resolved since they are so very expensive I will likely never afford their service again.  (It's not like I could afford it the first two times.  Just two more bad decisions.)  Then, I suppose there is speed dating.  This could be an issue however the cowardly thing to do is also the right thing to do.  Being a coward at heart (yes, I have accepted this as well,) this trick (avoiding speed dating) isn't really that hard to pull off.

Maybe there is a delayed reaction.  I still have to achieve the goal of avoiding nrop (possible with the medication.)  I must continue the ban on TV (seems quite doable.)  The music, well not so much.  Speed Dating is automatic; escorts is automatic as well, and any stupid breakthrough is just one instance of avoidable bad association.  Given the fact that work is a constant exposure to the same I am not overly concerned.  So if I pull all these things together, maybe then God will shine a little light on my life.  Hmmm, there ought to be a song.  Aw dang, ELO already did that one.