And here (the frack,) we go again. Thursday morning and I already feel like sh*t. Way, way the hell too much to do. I need to work for 24 hours straight to begin to pull my head out of the backlog I am in. Then I would need to get about 12 hours of sleep and do it again to get my head above water.
Friday morning and I didn't work out again. My belly is big and tight. I ate to much (as usual.) I do have good food for lunch, strawberries, oatmeal and nuts. (Not like "this is nuts," more like "cashews are my favorite nut." I am really tired, as usual. I listened to the bitch drone on about the upcoming convention. One would think she is putting everything together herself the way she talks about it. Actually, never-mind. If that's how she sees herself, it is better than where she was just a few short years ago.
I am less and less inclined to spend time with her.
And on Monday I saw yet another broken weekend in my rear view mirror. Now its Tuesday. Meeting night. Oh d*mn the war (of Armageddon) is coming (there ought to be a . . . Within Temptation already . . .) I'll be a casualty if I'm not dead before it starts. I want to say I can't live like this, but that is all I have ever done isn't it. I've stumbled from crisis to crisis, flame-out to flame-out. I have never had a stable and consistent situation. I was either in school and struggling to learn fast enough, or working a new job and struggeling to get along, or bought a new house, or just got married, or just had a kid (along with a new job and new region) or just moved (again and again and again) or just lost my job, or just started a new career, or just got involved with a start-up company, or just got a new job, again, and again, and again, or dealt with a health crisis or just got divorced, or just kicked my kid out, or just got fired, or just almost got fired, or on and on and fracking (for you Battlestar Galactica fans) on. Always in flux, never steady state. Now there is a new boss coming and a different management style. I am sure that will be yet another challenge. It is just getting so very tedious to keep moving forward. I really, really hate this.
So my son, who is now getting way back into the religion, came by to see me last night. I had just missed my 5th meeting in a row and he wanted to try to help me get my act together. I agreed to have lunch with him today, b/c I could only talk a few seconds last night. It really comes down to the fact that going to the meetings is painful and I can bear that pain only so long. He counters that I ought to pray more and ask for help to want to do the right thing. He prays for "a new heart," and it makes him quite happy,. So bottom line is that he thinks I should lean on God more.
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