Disembarcation

I am on a train that is circling the congregation, a positive thing.  The tracks for this train never come close to the congregation center.  In fact it circles so far away therefrom that I doesn't seem like I am any part of the congregation.  I just see it from afar.  So I need to find a way off this train and onto one heading for its center, or at the very least a tighter circle around it.  Now, just how am I gonna do that.

I am improving in my quest to break away from nrop, most recent digression notwithstanding.  However I have stopped going to meetings although now that I finally have some decent depression and sleep medication that should help a lot.  The barbs they throw at me from the stage won't hurt the medicated persona as much.  I still have to get started again though, somehow.

I was thinking that I need to maybe write them a letter.  I did that once to no avail.  However that one just said I am in trouble and need help.  It did spark a meeting (as in one such.)  I clearly need more than that.  However I honestly don't know what I need apart from social interaction.  The latter isn't something you ask for since it is unreasonable.  If I am invited somewhere I would want it to be because people are interested in and want to talk to me, not  because I asked.

However it would seem that they should have some ideas.  They consistently ask if I want someone to study the bible with them.  I honestly don't see how that would help and in at least 2 instances I can think of I responded accordingly.  Both times they immediately dropped the idea.  In either instance they might have explained how the study would benefit me.  The fact that they didn't leads me to believe that they didn't really think that was a good idea themselves.

Again in both instance, after that they (the Deacons) seemed out of their element.  It was clear that they didn't know what to do or suggest next.  It is like that was their only solution and, turning that down left them without any other assistance mechanism.  I suppose I am disappointed that there isn't any other alternative.  If they offer it again, I think I should accept the "one size fits all" solution they offer.  It can't hurt.

The letter idea, hell I don't know what I would say.  I have drafted a letter to the central organization, akin to going over their heads.  I suppose I should borrow heavily from that.  In that one, I just explained my situation and my frustrations with the Deacons' ineffective attempt to assist.  However in all fairness, and in fact by scripture, I should do so before complaining about them to someone else.

Dang, I don;t even have their address I could send it to.