When you see a cluster of blogs along the timeline you can be pretty sure that things are not going well for me. This is another such case. I have been feeling so ashamed and embarrassed lately. My skills seem hopelessly out of date, and no one respects my input at work. This makes me feel badly all the time.
I am back looking at escorts for some company now. I know it is really very dangerous. However they are nice to me and make me feel like more than I am. It actually pumps up my self-worth after an engagement.
The downside is that it shows I don't respect God's willingness to take care of me in that respect. History has shown that, escorts or not, I am severely lacking in the social interaction category. Something is off about me.
In any case, my situation just hurts. It is very unpleasant. I pretty much don't like to be awake outside of working hours.
My old nemesis porn is back with a vengeance also. When I think of all the HS I blocked because of that habit, it starts to settle in why my life has been such a shambles.
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