So how to reboot my tired old self. I really just don't know. I say the same things over and over, study, meetings, prayer and service. I have tried all these with varying degrees of success. I can't seem to fire on all cylinders in the proper sequence for a long enough period of time to get back into the congregation. Even when I was in the congregation I couldn't get it going long enough to convince anyone that I was sincere. So I was always on my own. No encouragement from anyone. Of course the deacons "helped" by telling me how bad my problems were and telling me that I'm not doing enough. It's not thier fault though. It is mine. Well me and those who assisted in my demise. Of course as has been stated many times before in this blog, I am the one with primary responsibility because God could have and would have given me all the help I needed if I had only asked and worked along with my request and stopped drinking poison while I tried to get better..
I suppose I don't really need a gun or a tank of helium to kill myself. Internet access will do just fine.
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