Trapped!

So, the worst of the worst has happened, I lost my job.  Well, not really.  I could have been df'd.  But something worse has happened, my son was df'd; that was a while ago.

It has been a really, really bad quarter.  So now, I have found the trap, the crucible I am currently in.  You see, spending the last 12 years of my life trying as hard as I knew how to to make a success of a dying company, I have exhausted myself and driven myself into depression.  Of course the latter intelligence is far from new.

I haven't blogged in a bit.  But lots of sh*t has been happening.  Maybe I'll cover that in future blogs.  Maybe not.  I am not sure this is really helpful at all.  But I don't want to forget to cover it (for some unknown reason.)  Here are some of the high points:

1. My kid was df'd again
1.125 My job got really bad with the new salesman as a boss.
1.25 I used an escort again; the date with Sid wasn't much fun, I almost missed her due to confusing sign on the restaurant door, and her cell phone not working.  She somehow got started telling me stories about her friends that I didn't really want to talk about.  She left the envelope on the table and we had to call the place to get back in to retrieve it, what a mess.)  I still like her though, but not enough to overcome the obstacles to seeing her, at least not at this point.
1.5 I was terminated from my lousy job (lousy except in terms of compensation.)
2. I tried to restart my study and was turned down.
3. I actually went out in FS not once but twice (and then I promptly missed multiple meetings 2 or 3 so far, I lost count.)
4. I am back looking for an escort to go out with.


So I am still avoiding using dating sites and speed dating.  It is hard to do  something like this so it isn't a great thing to avoid doing so.  There is no question though, if there wasn't this issue with the religion banning (effectively) such activity, I would end up doing so.

I had long recognized that I was in a really bad way with every weekend beginning and ending with long tele-viewing binges.   But now, with no job to go to, my life is one long weekend.  I am getting some things done but I would say that I am operating at about 8% efficiency.  A few things are getting done but, mostly it is just binge watching anything remotely view-able.

One thing I wish there was a convenient way to address.  The truly bad feelings that accompany a job loss, particularly when there was a great deal of invested interest and passion involved in the creation and promulgation of the work products.  It is hard to disengage without something with which to replace it.  It is like the old adage:  "The best way to get over a lost woman, is to find another."  Of course the wisdom of that statement may be debatable, especially if one's own actions and attitude resulted in the loss.  That having been said, maybe it is good to reflect on the mistakes I made in this past job, painful though it may be.

I remember the first truly traumatic job loss.  I was so stricken by the event that it was as bad as the death of a close loved one for many people.  Having lost close people before,  I can say that for sure.  Of course I do believe that my response to death is typical.  I also don't think my response to the loss of a job is typical.  Otherwise Hallmark would have a whole new line of sympathy cards.