I have an appointment with my psychologist this afternoon. When I left him a couple of weeks ago I decide I was going to go straight after match and speed dating in spite of the fact that it is heavily discouraged by the church. Not quite on pain of excommunication as are some of the other things I have contemplated and actually done.
Nonetheless, despite my intentions, I find (as indicated in the previous post) I can't do it. I can't bring myself to go against that advice. Even though I want to. I just won't do it. I don't know if it is rank laziness or respect for the church. Either way it isn't happening.
So I was talking to my son and thinking that maybe we can make our own party, since no one wants to invite us to theirs. We can invite people we want to meet and have snacks and watch a really good movie or TV from a dvd. Maybe there could be some conversation afterward but anyway, there's something. Of course we don't have a TV or audio system to make watching TV a meaningful event. So we have started to remedy that situation. The other thing is that we need to clean up and get organized.
Of course the other thing I was going to do is call the Tax person. No go on that either. So, again, maybe now that the meds are running stronger I can fix that as well in coming weeks. I think that a lot of the "feel better" factor is coming from the working-out that i've been doing. It does make me feel better about myself. I noticed for the first time last weekend that I felt like looking nicer than I usually do at church. I actually wore a nicer jacket, one I hadn't used in a long time.
So what should I do in the coming weeks:
1. Call the tax man
2. Finish specifying the AV System
3. Start putting cr*p away to clean up the living and family room.
4. Properly store my camera stuff
5. Plan and execute a photography excursion
6. Plan my PTO coming up in June 27
7. Get my Bike ready to ride. I'd like to work up to a full trail length ride.
I guess it's good that I am at least thinking of these things where as for a long time I couldn't seem to bring myself to do that.
So what am I going to talk about?
My failures to move
My medication success (working w/o Music)
Putting things on the shelf:
1. Dating Women
Trying again with the church
1. TV Night
Other plans
1. Tax
2. Family
Monday
The meeting with my Psychologist went well. I talked about the fact that I'm not going to move forward with match and speed dating and that I have to try again with the congregation. I mentioned TV night and trying to be more friendly at the khall. She suggested I be aware of my facial state, not looking angry or mad, but open and kind. I can remember driving to the hall trying to relax my face. But when I got there the tension of walking inside resulted in my totally forgetting about it. I ended up talking a lot with Chuck Gibson. Nice guy and easy to talk to. But he approached me rather than the other way around.
The kid and me went to the NSO and it rocked the house down. Truly awesome concert. They played Ravel's Bolero and it was one of the more impressive things I have heard in recent memory. I think maybe Orff's "O Fortuna" topped it, but that's a special case. We talked about doing some Ballet in April but I'll have to look that up and see what's available and, of course the price of the tickets.
Tuesday
And I didn't work out today. I woke up on time but felt unusually tired. So, after much hand wringing I decided not to. It was a mistake of course. I should have worked out. Well, this is how the demise of any positive regimen starts. Skip here, miss there and before long I will justify not going at all.
I'm frustrated. My old nemesis is back now. And I want ess eee cross again. Trying to justify in my mind seeing an old or new escort. As many times as I convince myself that I should not on so many levels, I keep coming back to the fact that it is the ONLY fun I have these days. NOTHING else is enjoyable or satisfies like it. Whatever though. I can't do this. It's too costly and dangerous. Once I've won 20 MM USD then OK I'll see an escort regularly.
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