All Over the Place

I am just so damn tired of all this.  I know beyond reasonable doubt:

1. I'm not gonna do match.
2. I'm  not gonna do speed dating.


So the other possibilities are:

1. Will the drugs help me to do 1 or 2 above?  Hopefully the answer is no 'cause I shouldn't do either
2. Dancing
3. Taxes
4. House in Mvle  (Painting Doors Interior Cleaning Fix Windows, Fix Lawn, Fix Drainage in the front, blah  blah blah)

Oh yes and the 800# Gorilla in the room:  How the hell am I going to get my very self out in FS again?

Oh yea and don't forget the other stuff that goes along with it:  Study (meetings, personal, remedial, bible reading) Meetings (Sunday, Tuesday, assemblies, etc ) (check!)  Prayer (meals, distress, regular communication morning noon night) that go along with service.  It is just an impossible task list.  I'll die just trying to coax myself to start.

Of course with God all things are possible, though it seems apparent that he doesn't want this to happen, at least not right now.  No plans, No thoughts.  It's all just sh*t now.

Honestly I don't see any of these things happening in a reasonable time frame.  I can't fix this.

A few days later.

The pills are here, and I one of each yesterday and one of each this AM.  I really hope it helps.

I am really very sleepy this AM.  I'm not sure what kept me awake last night but I was not sleeping soundly most of last night.  I am doing that thing where I stair at the monitor and sitsleep.  I do have coffee and I had 3 (count 'em) 3 oranges for breakfast.  They were really OK but not the best I've had.

I attended an "Essentialist" course.  Interestingly JW's have been focusing on that kind-of for a while now.  Just get the needs.  He doesn't advocate asceticism, just the elimination of those things that are truly nonessential to your own goal.

He suggests that having an "off-site" with yourself can help you determine what your purpose in life is and  plan your way to get there.  He suggests 3 - 8 hours, or some such.  I think this is good advice.  I got his book; I ordered it yesterday and it came today.  I read the intro just a minute ago.  Seems like it will be a good read.  It turns out he collaborated on another book I liked:  Multipliers.

This is a great resource.  I just hope I can do something with it to actually make a difference in my life.

Anyway I've been taking the drugs for 3 days now.  No discernible difference other than the Wellbutrin making my hands shake a bit.  Drugs took 2 weeks to get here from the time I snail mailed the order.

Its the weekend now.

Still taking the drugs and little effect noted.  I did stop watching TV at noon today and as of 5:30 haven't turned it back on.  Maybe that is one effect.  Who really knows.  I'm sure I'll turn it back on before I go to bed.

This is a junky post.  I suppose I have really nothing to say.  It is just that I have put so much hope in the drugs and I want to report progress.  Truthfully, it is still early and I can't expect much given the way these drugs operate.  You have to take them over a long period of time for the drugs to build up in your system.

A week and a half into the drugs.  This week for the first time in a long time I was able to work the entire day without listening to music.  I don't sense any depression of the sex drive.  But who knows.

On Tuesday of this week a new problem cropped up.  I was absolutely exhausted after my work out and felt tired and sleepy all day.  So I didn't work out on Wednesday and eventually felt better.  Worked out again on Thursday (today) and I have felt sleepy all day long.  Of course I read up a little on what working out too hard does to you and guess what?   Being tired all the time is one of the symptoms.  I guess I need to take it easier.  I don't want to.  Maybe I'll just keep pushing myself until I can do all this.  Body will respond eventually.