Some months ago I went to a conference. It was all very well done and I was impressed with the content. I was totally distracted by the few women there. Every time I saw one it was like a reminder of how much I miss having a woman to care about me. At one point in my life I felt proud of the fact that I didn't need a woman to take care of me. I saw other men who were so happy with and obviously proud to introduce their wives/girlfriend/whatever. I felt superior to these men because I didn't need a woman.
Now I feel the need, don't have one and consequently feel inferior, since they have one and I don't. The other thing is that I have Champagne taste on a beer budget. Of the women that interest me none would want to have any interest in me. The 5 attributes I am looking for are:
Slim
Pretty (not necessarily stunning)
Kindhearted
Intelligent
Open minded
It seems that some of these features are mutually exclusive as the world treats someone who is extremely beautiful with such deference that it seems hard to find such women who are truly kind at heart. So there are very few such women. Then finding one of those rare creatures that is interested in me we have a rare situation indeed. Given my social ineptitude it is unlikely this could ever happen. It is a practical impossibility. Not totally impossible but close enough to such that I cannot believe it will happen.
Of course that won't stop me from hoping and thinking that the practical impossibility might one day happen. So here I go again, setting up this hoping for the impossible that will eventually crush delectation and evokes despair. When I was younger I was content to wait longer but now that I am old, there is no chance and I feel only the loss of my life and all the bad choices weighing heavily on my conscience.
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