I

I, I, I, I, I.  Almost every paragraph begins with "I".  I suppose that's  normal, but it is not who I want to be.  I'd like to be focused on God.  Or at least not so self centered.  I suppose if I had more oh, wait, scratch that .  .  . at least one friend then I might not be so self centered.  I should be able to say that I have God as a friend, but I know that is not true.  I don't do his will enough to think that I might be counted as his friend.  In actual fact the earthly organization he uses today decided to hand me over to Satan.  Nope, I'm not a friend of God.

It's 1:30 and I'm about to fall off my chair I am so sleepy.  I guess it is the digestion thing.  Brain is blood starved as my stomach takes first place in its command for the bloodstream resources.  Damn I sure hope the tummy finishes its digestion process very soon.  I'm seeing double (occasionally) now.

Wow, I actually skipped a day without posting even a paragraph to my depressing (depression) blog.  But here I am again.  Feeling like sh*t and ready to post some more.  More drivel about how lousy my day is going, how badly I feel and how I can't seem to do anything about it.  I'd be so bored with this if I wasn't living it every day.  I just can't seem to break out of this prison.

Started reading Isaiah.  Did the first 2 chapters.  66 in total, Waugh.  Will I ever finish?  It was all about how bad Judah had become.  It reminds me of myself of course.

OMG this is bad.  This can't work thing is starting to stretch out into several days.  I don't know what I am going to do.  I have to think of something.  Of course I want to reach out to one of the escorts I used to use.  She is in town next week.  All my interactions with this escort have been strictly social.  She is a really nice gal.  I really could fall in love with her but I know it wouldn't work out.

The down side of doing that is that I would be reaching into Satan's world to satisfy that need instead of waiting on God.  Now given the fact that in being df'd I was handed over to Satan, I think it is a matter of just using the resources at hand to satisfy a legitimate need.  Right not I am not dying for companionship as is sometimes the case so I'm not going to do anything at this point.  Of course that could change at any moment.

Well it's about 6:00 pm and I just sent a note to my escort for a dinner meeting.  2 hours public only interaction.  Probably a mistake .  .  .   OK definitely a mistake!