One Day

So now I am one day away from knowing if I will get kicked out of my church.  Interestingly one of the Escorts I used before is here in town and she seems to be available for dinner tonight and sunday night.  I am not quite so idiotic as to schedule time with her now that I am sitting on the knife edge.  However I really wonder what I will do if they do kick me out tomorrow night.  Would I go ahead and say, I'm takin' this now that I have nothing to loose?  or would I do the right thing and let it go and stoically go to the meeting patiently waiting for my opportunity to get reinstated.  Of course I hope that it is the latter but I am afraid that it might be the former.  I really hope I don't have to learn the answer to that question.  But I cannot control that, so I'll just have to wait and see.

I checked out the Internet Dating Site JWConnect.  It seems very small but that would be expected since it ostensibly serves only 1/2 of 1 percent of the country.  Practically speaking it is probably closer to 1 percent, but that's still very small.  Of course these are real people so far fewer still were the sort of folks I'd connect with and I am sure they wouldn't be interested in me.  I did see someone da'd and if I am excommunicated that could work but really?  Is that a good idea?  So why am I asking?

Feelin' quite agitated now.  the walls are closing in (totbas - wait I already said that about the same phrase.)  There really are simply no good options for relieving this desire to be with female companions.  Nothing, no outlet, just grit teeth and bear it.  I am not sure I can do this for the next 10 years it would take to get to the point of being able to have a relationship on good terms in the congregation.  2 years to be fully vested, 3 to be a MS and 5 to be a Deacon.  I am not even prepared to get on that road now.