So it looks like they might not kick me out. The first judicial meeting is with 2 guys not 3. Of course those 2 guys could say "this is worse than we thought, we are going to form a 3 man team." That would be really bad. Anyway the meeting (with the 2 man group -- sounds like a rock band doesn't it, but I digress,) is supposed to happen tonight. It was supposed to be Sunday, but one of the guys took off before we could meet.
I don't want to get kicked out. I am disappointed in the feeling that I might like. I suppose I like the thought of being in a state where there is nothing else they can do to me officially (except to decline requests for suspending the excommunication.) God will see me though. I can't hide from Him.
The biggest issue I have right now is that, even though things are going OK right now (nrop is at a 4 week hiatus, I am reading the bible most days, studying the Wt and praying more reading text week days for the last several weeks,) it could taper off and end at any moment. Today, right now I didn't study the Wt this AM. Is this the beginning of the end? I don't know! It very well could be. And then its back into the fire for me. These guys could decide to keep their feet on my neck another couple of years or more.
I just heave a big sigh and quit worrying about it. It seems like the more I think about it the more depressing it is. It will just be such a long wait for it to be all over with.
I don't know what these guys are going to ask tonight. But if they want to get deep into the sh*t I might end up having to tell them about the paid companions and the speeding and the IRS and all that other crap. If I end up unloading on them then that could well spell the beginning of the end. I really hate my life and the persistence of the misery it holds seems unfathomably deep.
It's the afternoon now and there was a little bit of snow this AM so they moved the meeting to Friday. *Sign* I guess I'll just walk around with this sword over my head a few more days. I can't complain though, I am the one who effectively hung it there. Of course they are the one with the scissors.
A real question on my mind is just how much more sh*t to tell them.
1. I speed all the time
2. I don't pay my taxes
3. I go out with non-witness women.
4. I almost had ess eee cross with DC
If I were to go down the list I would get yawn / "why are you wasting our time" look / "What!!??" If I were to bust out with "I've used prostitutes 4 times in the last 2 years" that would get me on the 3 man group for sure. Of course the last item would constitute dead silence and knowing looks between the 2 dudes that meant No question: committee matter.
Regarding the nonjw's, loyal readers will know, I just take them out to dinner or a show. Even so the 2 man group would go ape. So I'm not planning to say anything about that unless provoked. If the HS prompts them to prompt me to talk about it I will, but I'm not bringing it up and if I do, I'll say something like I've dated nonjw's occasionally. Of course that will generate the barrage of questions: Who, How Often, What happened.
Just how much they need to know is unknown to me at this point. How relevant is 2 year old data in cases like this, I just don't know. I'm betting it isn't relevant, but I'm open to suggestion.
Given the scope of things that could come up at this meeting (now on Friday) I think the title of this should be No Boot ?. Really it is maybe maybe not. Sort of like the early voting in a very close election. The data is largely meaningless. I don't know if I am going to get kicked out or not. I really hope not but maybe that is just what God wants. He may see that what I need is a swift and brutal kick in the butt to get me to take notice of his demands. Of course it is likely to leave me in a pit of depression so deep that I don't make it out of there alive (let the reader use discernment,) but if that is what God wants, then God please help me to work in harmony with a series of events leading to just that.
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