GIJGTKM

God is just going to kill me (GIJGTKM) when he brings an end to this world for all its corruption and failure to do what he asks of us.  I have seen His counsel and commands and turned my back on them.  I have failed to heed His advice and recommendations.  I have become addicted to the filth of the world and smile with approval as certain of God's laws are flouted.  The best I can hope for is a peaceful end, but it isn't likely to come that way unless .  .  .

So why don't I just change and serve God with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength?  A most excellent question, one to which I have no firm answer.  I'm depressed, I can't, I tried and failed and am too tired to try again, I don't like the elders, my censorship committee is mean to me, I'm too stupid, small, weak, my parents didn't love me enough, teach me enough, show me the right example, My exwife was too mean to me, she broke my spirit, and on, and on, and freaking on it goes.  The bottom line is that none of those things, real or imagined, are too much for God to help me overcome.  He did help me.  I just didn't take the help he gave or I simply chose to do bad when I could have chosen to do right. 

So it seems that I will be getting my just deserts when God decides it is time to mete out my punishment.  Me thinks it won't be long, but for now it hangs over my soul.