Groaning Metal as the Machine Threatens Coming to Life

 It has been a while since I last posted.  A lot has happened since then.  I have finally broken the logjam and can start working again.  I want to attribute this to God, but I don't understand why it took so long for this to happen.  It feels like nothing changed, just one day I could start working again.  My psychologist was relieved to hear that.

Now, again, I have fallen into the same pit that the Israelites did so regularly.  Now that the threat has passed, I went back to missing meetings at the KHall.  I attend remotely only about half of the time.  I recreated my profile on an SD/SB site, and I started perusing escort sites.  I tried to contact a half dozen or so.  Two responded with rates and availability.  I am still not quite ready to pull the trigger.  I found that asking if they offer Greek service tends to end the conversation.  The price remains sky high.  

Someone who is white and really very pretty is around 700 - 800 USD/hr.  Someone slim and pretty enough is about 600.  I found a new site, skipthefakes.com.  The women there are very cheap, relatively speaking.  They are 200 - 400 USD per hour.  One of the women there had reviews on TER.  Terrible reviews.  I don't have much experience at the lower levels in this service market; however, the more general rule seems to apply:  

"You don't get any more than what you pay for."  

And, of course, the corollary:  

"If you aren't careful, you won't even get that."

I have lost so much vacation time.  Now that I can work again, I worked thoroughly through the 2 weeks of vacation that I had around Thanksgiving.  I am also spending a few hours working around the Xmas holidays.  

All in all, it isn't unfair.  I spent so much time trying and failing to work that working over my vacation feels like giving back a little of what I missed in the months prior.  

Again, spirituality is in the toilet.  I stopped reading the Bible and commentary every day.  I will try to get going on that again.  So far, I've got nothing done on moving to Forest Hill.  I have spent countless hours watching TV.  These shows are consuming me:

1. The Diplomat
2. Homeland
3. Landman
4. Yellowstone
5. Orphan Black
6. Nashville (to a lesser extent)
7. Brockmeier (I can't resist anything starring Amanda Peet)

I just started trying to put all my troubles into MS Copilot.  It helps me to organize my thoughts.  It gave me a suggested path to completing the move.  Even coming from a machine, what it said about my overall situation was encouraging.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that my life is in shambles.  Nothing is going as well as it should. 

1. Physically (I'm fat and out of shape & my body is failing)
2. Spiritually (don't get me started)
3. Financially (struggling to stave off disaster)
4. Mentally (just living life is tenuous)
5. Secular Career (I'm deeply ashamed of it. I regularly reflect on all the mistakes I've made.)

I need to see a dentist and can't generate the moxie to schedule an appointment.  I am ashamed of how I have let myself go.  I worry all the time about losing my job.  I don't have enough to retire, and the big mortgage I took on to facilitate my move to Forest Hill weighs heavily on my mind.

Politically, the country seems to be spiraling out of control.  I never imagined a sitting president could be so openly corrupt without accountability.  I'm sure it has always been that way to some extent; now it seems so blatant.  I now have an idea of how outright persecution of JWs is coming to the US.

Anyway, I need to do my bible reading now.