And look, here I am again. Today with a new set of issues and details of Satan's latest attack on this helpless poor dumb bastard (not literally a bastard.)
Someone with whom i flirted in a previous life returned to consciousness and I reached out to her. As it turns out, she recently divorced her husband and forced him out of her life. Not that she didn't have cause and I certainly don't know off the details. So she may actually still be married by God's reckoning.
So far we have emailed, messaged on social media, texted and soon we plan to talk on the phone. I am already proposing that she visit soon. And of course there is a kid, younger than mine when I moved to DC. I am watching myself trot merrily into the furnace. Oh my God, can you save me from my own stupidity? Apparently not when that stupidity is persistent. Hell, just look at the misery that is my life.
So now I spend my days anticipating what our first meeting will be like, how long it will be before we end up in bed together and what it will be like for me and for my relations when I am kicked out of the religion. All the bad results that I know are sure to follow have not been enough to stem the tide of action. I suppose I believe I can rake fire into myself and not get burned. How very stupid. I did pray once for God's help, but then immediately forgot and behaved as if I never said a word.
You are so very stupid. In the literal sense of the word. You have the knowledge. You know what you are doing wrong, you know how to avoid this situation. And yet you continue down the path to do the wrong thing. That's what biblical people call "stupid."
My head hurts. I am getting sick. I hate myself. Depression is coming back. It won't be long before I am suicidal again. I just need some help, and the people to whom I ask for it are not responding quickly if at all.
Satan 12,039 Mark 3
The thing is I know what to do but with the depression coming back, I haven't been successful in making myself follow through.
No comments:
Post a Comment