Underwear

As the previous post mentioned I kept an appointment with an escort in early June.  As mentioned it was great, but very costly.  I can see maybe doing this once a quarter, but not more frequently than that.  At 1100, it is simply not something I am willing to do very often.  But honestly it is the only large expenditures that I consider later with fondness.  I have bought lots of stuff, that I later never or rarely use.  I very nearly bought another computer.  A very nice slim unit with plenty of power in a compact form; but again, what am I going to do with it that I cannot do with my current models, really nothing.

Without a job my life is circling around nothing.  Watching TV, porn and then topping it off with a jack session.  It is very empty and unsatisfying.  I joined a dating site but I'm not getting any serious responses.  Really.  Not too hard to imagine given my lack of success in the real world.  I guess it just feels like another nail in the coffin.

I have no solution, maybe just a plan to feel better about myself.  I say give myself 6 months to go out with my new escort and enjoy that relationship.  It is not sustainable in the long term but at once a month and 1300 (including dinner + hotel) per incident I could keep it up for that long.  Then maybe that would give me the internal peace to go off make a success of other areas in my life.

Obviously no one is going to recommend this course.  It has all the hallmarks of a mistake, but honestly I can't make myself do the things I should be doing so maybe allowing this "indulgence" will satisfy the internal needs that distract me from doing the really important things.

------------------------  Break  --------------------

So during the break I made arrangements to see my new favorite escort again in mid july.  Groan -- well shit! I am tired of doing the same thing expecting a different outcome.

Here is the anticipated breakdown:

Meal:  150
Companionship services (exclusive of any other activities:)  900
Hotel:  110

Total:  1160

Someone shoot me!

But again, this is one of the few things I will truly be looking forward to doing this summer.

This escort suggested I get the old battle ax to make an apple pie.  I was gushing about her cooking the last time we met.  I had a lot of weird feelings about doing that and had decided not to.  Then the bitch (THE bitch, certainly not my escort) calls me out of the blue and asks some inane question that I didn't want to answer.  So I respond "Why do you need to know" at which point she turns green, my phone gets slimy and I can see the fangs protruding.  Typical response.  I kept my cool though and ultimately agreed that I'll tell her what she wants to know if she makes the apple pie.

================   Break   ================

So now I am in full on "idolize" mode.  I am looking at clothes (mostly underwear) for my escort and dreaming of possible ways the date might go.  Lounging around her place with her in very relaxed state of mind and dress (not undressed just comfortably attired.)  Possibly watching a mentally stimulating (in an educational sort of way) TV program.  I just bought a set of MeUndies for her.  A full set, boy shorts, tee, socks and lounge pants.  I'm hopeless.